My Friend's House

In my visits with my different neighbors, I found myself focusing more and more on the 89-year-old widow that lived next door. She was teaching me so much about the topic of community and its importance. One of the things that she taught me was the importance “time” plays in a relationship and in community. I was so conscience of how much time a visit might take. Quickly, I learned it was a worthy investment of my time. In fact, the time spent with my neighbor was Christ making me more sensitive to the needs of others. I had fallen into the trap again of being task oriented and needed the reminder that to be relational is what most people need.

I was meeting a need she had for company, but not the way I thought. She also taught me that being alone wasn’t really what caused her loneliness like I had thought. She was fairly independent. She cooked, baked and gardened on her own. What I learned was eye opening. My neighbor told me how she kept experiencing the loss of loved ones, friends that she had known since childhood. But they weren’t necessarily lost to death, some she had just lost contact with because they had been moved to a new location, changed phone numbers or sadly been placed in memory care.

Friends were leaving her life, and they weren’t being replenished with new ones. That was it! She needed new friends! As I listened to her tell me that she missed the “good old days” where neighbors would stop by to visit, the light bulb in my brain began to go off. My neighbor needed friends for eye contact, listening ears and for touch. Someone that would stay in touch because they wanted to and not out of duty or some felt obligation. She needed someone to enjoy her company and that could be trusted.

Recently, my neighbor was unable to reach her family members to ask them to come and take her to the hospital. She called me after going through her long list of people to call and no answers. She said her blood pressure was over 200 and wanted to know if I could take her to ER. I didn’t hesitate. I came right over and escorted her to my car. I stayed with her through the night, praying for her, distracting her when it was apparent that taking her blood pressure was painful, held her hand and even took deep breaths with her to try and calm her. My poor neighbor was really in need of a good friend.

A phrase had come up earlier that was concerning me. “I don’t want to be a bother.” I assured her that she was not a bother. I thought to myself, “Why do the elderly feel like they are a bother?” It made me sad that anyone, especially in need, would think that they were being a bother. When we arrived at her home, I noticed that her family members were at her home waiting. She asked me to come in the house with her as she was expecting a family member to scold her. For what? I wasn’t sure.

I soon encountered an embarrassed family member telling her not to “bother” me. If she needed anything she should call them and not “bother” a neighbor. I assured them that I was glad to help and gave my neighbor a hug good night and told her that I would see her later that afternoon. It was now 2:30 am. It had been a long night for the both of us, but I couldn’t possibly feel as tired as my 89-year-old neighbor.

Later that evening, my husband suggested that I take her some dinner and check on her. Then, the LORD prompted me to give her a handwritten note with the dinner. In the note I told her that she was not a bother, but a blessing and that we were no longer just neighbors, but we had become friends.

What I heard and what I learned.

1. Your neighbor can tell if you are neighborly to check off a box of obligation by how well you listen.
2. Neighbors don’t always turn into friends, but if they do it sure is nice that they live close by.
3. People can be made to feel like they are a bother. Make them feel like a blessing.